Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize