Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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