mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize