it hurts more in the daytime
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
