oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
