How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
