mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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