So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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