please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
