Soap is not a condiment
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
