so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
