Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
