i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
