I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
