I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
