oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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