Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
