dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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