My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
