I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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