I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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