Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
