The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
