I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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