My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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