I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
