i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
