Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever

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(817): View more from Texas

he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable

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(479): View more from Arkansas

We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe

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(716): View more from New York

Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor

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(408): View more from California

He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!

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(248): View more from Michigan

He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Can I just swipe right on his dad?

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