that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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