Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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