ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
