Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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