I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
