you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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