I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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