Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
