smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize