did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
