just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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