I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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