At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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