Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Randomize
