she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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