If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
