McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
