How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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