After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
