i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
