Betty ford says i'm here all night
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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