I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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