I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
