dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
