Soap is not a condiment
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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