The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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