is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you never un-have a 4some
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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