she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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