Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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