Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
