I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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