We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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