its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Green mimosas i think yes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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