So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
