Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
