Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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