I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
