dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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