Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
