so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
