currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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