dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
worst night to have a conscience
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
