Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
