how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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