I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
