my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
