he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
