I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
