I want to make a zoo with you.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
soo... how was my night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize