now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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