I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
