apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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